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dave
Age. 41
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
burger knights
11th day of 2004
I went in to Burger King today. After I paid with my chocolate coins, I took a wad of napkins over an inch thick. Believe it or not, this was pretty much accidental, since my original intentions had been to only take half an inch for my 99 cents fries.

However, as my greasy fingers firmly grasped the napkins and proceeded to pull them out, the most unbelievable thing happened. I managed to pull out more napkins than I had ever in my life. Did I set a world record? Did my cheapness subconsciously overtake my mind? Or had I always been a total cheapskate?

It didn't matter. The cashier/manager/illegal citizen saw me and shouted "Stop! You fuckin' thief!" And then it happened....

I was pelted with sizzling balls of beef heavily infected with the mad cow disease. The oily beef burned through my elementary school class of 94' t-shirt. It was quite painful. I felt myself becoming mad.

Nevertheless, through this anguish and distress, I held tight to my dear napkins and bolted out the door. I ran faster than a 4-day old road kill. I spun faster than a smiling acorn. I jumped higher than an aged snail. As I looked down at the creamy white napkins, I knew this had all been worth it. Yes. Yes. Yes....
All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
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13 Comments.

(o_O)
You and your stories o.O
» eXiled on 2004-01-11 11:28:09

*screeches to the tune of Limp Bizkits 'Nookie'*'you did it all for the napkins! Come on the NAPKINS! So you could clean your hands.'
whoa....I am sorry about your newly Mad Cow infected diseased self. *screeches to the tune of Limp Bizkits 'Nookie'* 'you did it all for the napkins! Come on the NAPKINS! So you could clean your hands.'
» kshaffer on 2004-01-12 10:55:38

*correction*
there isn't s'posed to be a title on that last comment.
» kshaffer on 2004-01-12 10:56:43

yay for Burger King! they didn't really need those napkins anyways..
I tend to do that a lot, too. Take a lot of napkins, I mean. I always get WAY too much.
I guess it becomes a habit when you're usually with your family at such places, and always getting lots of napkins. Even with the fam, I get way too much.
and, yeah. something like that.

healthfully heal from thine mad meat infected wounds.

so long.
» invisible on 2004-01-12 06:43:46

smilling acorn
hey those things spin pretty fast... every thing else seems kinda... whats the word 'correct' nah.. but something along those lines, yeah
» monkeymeister on 2004-01-12 11:30:30

funny stuff
lol, nice story. hey, i'm really impressed with this site. awesome job!!! =o]
» mc2vh on 2004-01-13 10:51:13

DAVE!!!!!!
i wanna earn some pps. what kind-of writings do you guyz want? i've got old theology stuff just sitting around.
» lostsoul on 2004-01-16 11:08:10

testing
4.5.6.
» dave (67.83.46.238) on 2004-01-16 12:56:35

testing
7.8.9.
» dave (67.83.46.238) on 2004-01-16 12:56:53

*ventures into your realm*
I was scared there for awhile... but since you came to mine, I'll come bother you ;) Chun li kicks ass. ...er... word to your..mother... Peace..?
» EngelGenannt on 2004-01-16 11:14:37

lol
seeing im not exactly a pro-burger-king kinda gal, i can only say- go ur napkin stealing!! :D :D next time around, u can aim for the straws :P
» d-zire on 2004-01-17 02:41:10


u should have wadded up pieces of the napkins and load them in a straw, and pelt the cashier/manager/illegal citizen with them. ^__~
» JuStBlUe on 2004-01-17 11:04:31

laughed my brains out
you are a great writer. loved your entry. how do i add you to my friend list?
» oofs_its_nikki on 2004-01-18 09:04:48

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