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come on over the mountain


dave
Age. 41
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
Equilibrium
228th day of 2004
Llamanama seemed to be the perfect place, a true utopia. But, soon after my arrival, I learned that all this was nothing more than a mirage hiding the terrible reality that was soon to present itself in the dead of the night.

That night, I woke up to a terrible shriek, one so loud that it triggered several moonquakes. Still dazed and groggy, I stepped outside—onto a severed head! Poor Telemachos. It was clear; we were under attack.

As a survivor explained to me the morning after, each night the predators and aliens prey on their civilization.

And so, for the past couple weeks, I've been carefully hunting down these two evil tribes. Through brute force, I have killed off 2048 of them, including the alien tribe's queen Neferlinka.

So anyway, I've taken a break. My back hurts and my nipples bleed profusely every morning when I urinate. School starts in about two weeks, so it's time to make my way back to upstate NY. Soon, I will be learning about how things work again..

All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
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40 Comments.

gmab
read my artikull
» dean on 2004-08-15 11:46:20

lmao.
<3 the picture
» jamie on 2004-08-16 12:25:52


I concur. Mayonnaise on a hot dog is just gross.
» le_battement on 2004-08-16 07:59:31


But good for your Adam's Apple all the same.
» le_battement on 2004-08-16 08:00:29

omfg.
i hate it when my nipples bleed. [pats dave on the back] it's okay, you'll get through it.
» LifelessEyelid on 2004-08-16 10:04:15

Time to beat the system.

» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:50:22

I'll tell jokes
to pass the time.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:50:43


So these two guys walk into a bar, which was really stupid, 'cause the second one should have seen it.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:51:26

Well, I've exhausted my joke supply.
How was/were it/they? (Just in case you got more out of that than I did.)
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:52:12


My dream is to become an Astronaut - not just any astronaut, but the first astronaut to reach Lunar escape velocity on a moon-modded Harley Davidson!
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:52:43


Love makes the world go round. Some scientists will tell you it happens because of conservation of angular momentum in a micro-friction environment, but that is only because they live sad lonely lives.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:53:21

This is very reminiscent
of what I said when Jamie went overboard with comments...
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:53:57


Are you trying to become Ed or something?
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:54:34

As I was saying:
The primary function of the United States Coast Guard (besides protecting the borders and patroling national waters) is to travel back in time and battle pirates!
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:55:12


Don't ask me a subjective question unless you are prepared to listen to a verbose answer... and are speaking in a language in which I am capable of answering verbosely.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:55:47


Do you think Sammy Davis ever ate Junior Mints?
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:56:28

I'd better not be disqualifying myself
by doing this...
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:57:01


no? aww, c'mon - it could be fun. just make a game out of it...see how little you can spend one day and then try to break that record...
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:57:30


The shortest distance between two points is a straight line... but not all straight lines between two points are equal.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:57:59


Holy Exploding Ceaser's Ghost, Batman! That's not the PRESIDENT! It's ROBO-STALIN!
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:58:29


A real man never cries... well, maybe he lets a single tear slide back from the corner of his eye across his sun-hardened face as he rides his bad, bad, Harley across the wind-swept Mohave desert wearing no helmet or goggles. But he never cries.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:59:04


And a booming voice declared: In the summer time when the weather is hot, a selection of fine cheeses often taste of cheese.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:59:29


Be good, or your parents will sell you to travelling Gypsies!
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 12:59:44


Fifteen men on a dead man's chest! Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 01:00:15


Try to use the word "disambiguate" at least once in context today.
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 01:00:36

Oh, I have to be careful now.

» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 01:00:52


So close...
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 01:01:00


To the goal...
» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 01:01:11

Yup.

» ziwtra on 2004-08-17 01:01:20

Hmm...
Since when do mayo and hotdogs not mix?
» desertsnowstorm on 2004-08-17 01:01:56

You need thirty comments?
Were you ignored as a child dave? It's ok son, its all over now.
» AshleyEverhart on 2004-08-17 01:13:01


lmao. PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE! UNIQUE COMMENTS! NOT SPAM!
» jamie on 2004-08-17 01:25:47

Well,
I certainly think they were unique... no one was going to come up with that...
» desertsnowstorm on 2004-08-17 02:00:03


damn i'm too late...can i get some point anways? please? =D
» 2%milk on 2004-08-17 04:32:48


wow im impressed with what u write keep it up
» lil_sexy_mama_69 on 2004-08-17 01:40:20


You know you could always get bandaids for your nipples. I like the ones with princesses on them
» AshleyEverhart on 2004-08-17 07:08:54


i need that pps
» JINX!!! on 2004-08-17 08:04:57

so many
dave you should post some new hacks in the hack page, like the disclaimer one, and the cursor stalker too...
» lostsoul on 2004-08-20 06:58:20

i don;t know the java script
but the cursor stalker- the one where you have text trailer the mouse cursor. and the disclaimer pop up when someone loads up your site... meaning your nutang page...ummm... the only think meant for hotdogs is ketchup, mustard, chili, cheese, bean dip, sour crout, onions, those really hot peppers that i can't spelll--hallopenous, and maybe ........ pickles...i know someone who eats pickles with popcorn.... things that make you go blllaaaauuuu
» lostsoul on 2004-08-21 03:24:08

E.T.!!

when put in that context, that picture of is nasty.
ew...
you sure are doing a good job of reinforcing syd's thoughts in ketchup. lol
» invisible on 2004-08-21 03:42:43

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