The Personal Statement. I've been putting off writing it for the past week. This morning, I slapped myself with a porcupine-skin glove and said "Dave! you will at least draft up that Personal Statement today." It's past 9PM now, and still no progress. (I've been up for almost 8 hrs!)

Anyway, so earlier, I thought I should go for a walk. Get some fresh air, maybe some inspiration. I walked past the mailman, and asked him for some advice. He said, "Tell a story. People love stories. If you get stuck, I have a whole grab bag of stories. Here, take your pick," and stuffed a bunch of letters into my hands.

Next, I ran into the milkman. He said to me, "Just be honest. Yes, honest and straightforward, like this bottle of milk." He then spat into the bottle. "And now it's tainted! Yes, Victor Papamashalugi, revenge is finally mine...."

I even passed by a cop and asked him to impart some wisdom. A man of few words, "Go screw yourself, kid," was all he said. He then took out his glock and shot me in the leg. My left leg.

A few hours later, I was exhausted and thousands of miles from home. I sat down on the side of the road to think about all the advice I had collected. It was then when I met Mr. Ochikinara.

"Hey, what's the matter? You look a bit lost. Anything troubling you, son?" he asked. "Oh, my name Bill Ochikinara, by the way," and he extended his hand.

I shook his hand and said, "My name is dave... " and proceeded to explain my situation to him.

He took a few moments to think things over. Then, he said, "You know, I used to work at a glue factory in Nevada. When I started there, the company was called Gloogle, but then Google sued them, and the company got bought by Victoria's Secrets. Anyway, I spent 28 years working there and learned everything there is to know about glue. And, I bet you don't know this, but the best, highest-quality glue is made from aged, pineapple rind and guenons that have been soaked in a sugar and wine solution for at least 2 years. Most of my years were spent on the factory floor. The place was small, so promotions were few. During my 26th year, they had to promote me. You see, I suffered an accident and Victoria's Secrets didn't want to get sued and have all the press after them if things got out of hand..." That's when I noticed he had bear paws for hands, and was holding a butcher's knife.

Oh crap...
You already clawed your self with porcupine needles, up dont want to be messing with no bear clawed butcher kinger named bill. They feast on cabbage and prime numbered ribs: 2,3,5,7,9, and 13 just like electro magentic satalites. they are dangerous
» monkeymeister on 2005-01-06 09:25:35

dave.
i love you. you didn't know?
» Chloefoxx on 2005-01-08 09:20:50

Great! how do i purchase it? do i have to e-mail again or is the e-mail i sent good enough or something. poor guenons...
» Ajibalaji89 on 2005-01-09 06:26:35

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