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dave
Age. 41
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
Two amazing things
336th day of 2005
I have 2 amazing things to share with you.

First, is an amazing accomplishment. And, the amazing accomplishment is that I only did my laundry 3 times this semester! Next semester, I will strive to top that. I dare you to do the same.

The second amazing thing is a tale of 1 city... the magical city of San Francisco. As hardly anyone is aware of, I visited my friend, Mr. Chin, about 20 days ago, in the city of San Fran.

While in San Fran, I visited the very touristy spot called Fisherman's Wharf. Much to much disappointment, I encountered no peg-appendaged shriveled victims of the sea.


However, what I did encounter was a civilization of sea lions.


And, as we all know, sea lions are among the wealthiest creatures in this world. Who knows how they've come to gain such wealth? I think they're pirates.

But, anyway, my greed got the best of my judgment, and before I even knew it, I
was dressed up in a sea lion's outfit and had infiltrated their civilization. I followed the line of sea lion guards making their rounds around the main palace, where the king sea lion lived with his bevvy of sea lionesses. During the changing of shifts, I slipped past the main door and found myself inside the palace.

And yes! much to no one's surprise, the inside of this palace was the most ornate, ridiculously decorated place I've ever seen. Even more so than my dorm. The walls were made of gold, studded with diamonds, emeralds, and petrified mammoth feces. I instinctively ran towards the wall and started to rip out of pieces of gold and stuff it down my pants.

After I successfully tore apart 20 feet of gold wall, the guards caught on to my mischievous actions. I found myself in a very precarious situation. I was surrounded by an army of well trained sea lion warriors. These were the sea lion king's top lions.

One of the greatest battles of all time ensued.

I snapped so many sea lion necks. I punched my fist through so many sea lion chests. I gouged out so many sea lion eyes. There was so much bloody lard everywhere!

But in the end, I lost. I was brought to court and found guilty of animal abuse. By late afternoon, I was locked up in Alcatraz.

In prison, I met a mysterious young man by the name of Michael Scofield. I told him my sad tale and he listened silently, like a rock with no grooves. Then he looked at me, squinted, and said "What if I told you I could get you out of here?"

Me: "Break out of this prison?! That's impossible."
Fish (Scofield): "You see those walls?"
Me: "Yea."
Fish: "Those walls are 20 feet thick of solid concrete."
Me: "Okay."
Fish: "All we need to do is get to the other side of that wall and we're free."
Me: "I don't get it."
Fish: "Trust me. I just need to borrow your glasses and at 8:19 we will break out of here."

And then it happened...
The sun set over the Pacific and the moon came up. At exactly 8:19, a whale jumped out of the water (just as Michael had predicted by looking at his tattoos) and the moon light bounced off of the whale's left eye onto the right lense of my glasses. My lense then quickly heated up and created an energy field around itself.

Meanwhile, Michael Scofield took some dust from the prison floor and rubbed it over his chest. The dust and his tattoos caused a chemical reaction and yielded the rare gas oxyglycose nalaogen, otherwise known as "cute gas." He then in instructed me to hold up the energy field over the "cute gas" for 28 seconds.

At the end of the 28 seconds, Michael Scofield pulled a hammer out of his ear and a herd of rabbits popped out of the ground suddenly and began to eat their ways through the stone wall. He squinted and muttered "Perfect." I looked at him and said, "Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are gone."


After we broke out of prison, I returned to Ithaca. I swore to myself, though, that one day I will return to San Fran. I will return to the Fisherman's Wharf and get revenge of those wretched sea lions that have become the bane of my existence.

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All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
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14 Comments.


lmfao
do u relly know mr chin? and can cute gas be used as an anti depressant, cause that's what ive heard
» middaymoon on 2005-12-03 11:02:37

-rolls eyes-
I should expect nothing less from you, of all people. lol.
» SilverWolf on 2005-12-03 04:22:45

Poor Dave
Did Fish not let you see exactly how far those tattoos go? Btw, your msn nick has become slightly depressing. Why weren't you cheered by your battle glory? I eagerly await the return of your goat and cutlery.
» theZEBRA on 2005-12-05 08:43:41

guess what?
as of just now, i've earned more money than U have!! lol. im promoting nuTang on my xanga
» middaymoon on 2005-12-06 08:29:06

where did you get such a convincing sea lion costume?
it must have cost a fortune. Too bad you couldn't take any of the blubber with you and sell it to at least account for the ruined sea lion suit.

Bravo Kansas quote. I now have that song stuck in my head.
» invisible on 2005-12-07 08:53:11

thank you! =]
» your_punkrock_princess on 2005-12-08 06:38:20

i Hereby comment
lol. uve made prolly the most revenue on nuTang, 10 whole cense! lol. does the homepage pay to u also?
» middaymoon on 2005-12-10 01:16:31

San Fran
Dave...I want you to know, I have almost that exact same picture from when I was in San Francisco at Fisherman's Wharf. Did you go on the boat tour under the bridge? And visit the Alcatraz gift shop on Pier 41? And you had to have gone to the Ghiradelli Chocolate store and sold your soul for as much chocolate as possible. Ooooooh my. That trip was so delightful. Yeah, and Las Vegas was nice too.
» razorblade_suitcase on 2005-12-12 01:37:37

haha
im beating u again. i think.
» middaymoon on 2005-12-14 08:08:00

oh
i knew i was counting wrong. all those digits are quite confuzzling
» middaymoon on 2005-12-14 08:08:53

yuck!
sea lions are stinky.
» Chloefoxx on 2005-12-17 10:08:38

erm
i was wondering if there's anything you can do about the iLead popup. you're not allowed to have a blog with popups on blogexplosion and i've already had a complaint. so... just wondering.
» Chloefoxx on 2005-12-20 04:37:25

hey thats where I live
well kinda...... currently im in vallejo which is like 20 minutes away if im driving........i go there all the time and see that same exact colony of sea lions...... next time you should call me for some backup......
» finelegsforever on 2005-12-22 01:42:16


» # (125.101.3.24) on 2006-05-30 11:46:43

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