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dave
Age. 41
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
smackdown and ecw
165th day of 2006
As many of you might've guessed, I was recently invited to wwe smackdown and the premiere of ecw to prove my warriorhood. That's how most stories begin, and that's exactly how this one began.

I always arrive in style. To these events, I arrived in an ambulance. Little did I know, I was about to get ambushed by a couple middle aged guys wearing blue TEMS shirts, some random street wrestler in a fake leather jacket, and Taz, a might warrior who was carrying a cleverly disguised weapon.


After I successful fought my way out of that mess, I entered the arena to face my real challengers.


My bro came with me and we said our goodbyes. He knew there was only a 2% chance of my surviving the night. But then again, I also drink 2% milk.


Undertaker was my first opponent. He had an infamous reputation of disemboweling his opponents alive and crushing their skulls in his gigantic, smelly armpit as they scream for mercy and a higher-paying contract.

However, as Vince Mcdonalds, the inventor of unrealistic fighting, soon realized, I was a seasoned warrior who read the Book of Calamari Wresting (BoCW). As it turns out, the Undertaker, who used Macabre Ghoul's Claw style of wrestling was unable to defend himself against the slippery jabs and python-like tongue whips of CW.

And then it happened! Vince sent his minions into the opium ring and true, undeniably mayhem quickly ensued.


As you can clearly see from the pictures above, I am winning the battle against the 187 other wrestlers that were all simultaneously attacking my groins in the opium ring.


I win!! I win!!! But, don't let my bestial cries of victory fool you. Fifty-four of my 289 organs exploded during the course of these battles, including my 4 lungs and 2 gills. I lost 8 gallons of blood, including 4 pints that bled from my body through my opponents' hearts and 16 pints that were discovered 2 days lat0r in an old, abandoned well in the Mexican village of San Buanito belonging to an old chupacabra farmer known by all as El Bano.

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All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
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19 Comments.


ouch.
I would come up with something witty to throw at you, that would undoubtably get you to glance at my comment again and think, "Wow, she has some mental issues," but I'm too tried to come up with such a thing, and I must get some sleep as I am being shipped off to New York tomorrow. Sounds like you had quite the day there, though.
» Le_Jes on 2006-06-15 01:47:31

how did the chupacabra farmer get your blood?
and i didn't realize you had gills. you think the updating user should have a subscription mod?
» middaymoon on 2006-06-15 10:00:30

DUDE that is freaking awesome. i want to go to a wrestling match! and you got to see the undertaker! wow im jealous
» your_in_safe_mode on 2006-06-15 11:56:43

You're so weird
» Dilated on 2006-06-15 02:44:15

Thank you :). You're an entertaining teller of tales. Congrats on your victory. And congradulations on graduating from Cornell. I have a friend who graduated from there this year too.
» Phoid_hearted on 2006-06-18 11:37:42

That is a wonderful story!! I really like! as u can probably tell, interent has been cut during da summer here for everyone, as well as a few more things( which I mentioned on my blog) and I can't get online much at all... but I'll still trying 2 do stuff whenever I getonline.... if we get da net back during da summer, or if I don't and I have 2 wait until next semester... the BBB will be ready 2 explode onto things on nutang and myspace again.... but 4 now, its not a whole lot I can do..........
» CPKviperpheonix on 2006-06-19 06:33:36

i have 1 left.
i already used one i think of the invite codes. do we get any pps for refferals or is it just keep it on an invite only thing? nutang is soo different i can barely keep up =(
» teresa on 2006-06-19 08:06:04

2%
Excellent adventure, my friend. I drink skim milk only. It was forced on me my entire life by my parents (meaning they bought skim and nothing else) and I was actually surprised one day whe nI was about 6 to discover there are other kinds of milk. I can deal with thicker varieties, but definitely prefer the thin, smooth taste of skim milk.
» le_battement on 2006-06-20 07:10:15

yes...he's dr. brandy. he probably had some vodka before speaking... who knows? all I know is that my orchestra teacher talked to him and said that he smelled like alcohol. sooo.... anything's a possibility. wine, beer, vodka, rubbing alcohol...
» Ajibalaji89 on 2006-06-21 06:40:34

it's actuallyh not an astroid
it's his poop. he had a tummy ache that day =(
» teresa on 2006-06-22 11:08:27

returning the favor.
You left a post on my blog so im returning the...holy crap you fought the undertaker! I'll have to tune into your blog more offten.
» shwartzesonne on 2006-06-26 12:29:09

thanks for the nice greetings and welcome! this site is my new hobby now. wow. i see wwe smackdown pics! lucky. i'd love to invite some of my friends, but they hate html. =[ and they get lazy and won't undate their page. =/ i don't want to force them. rofl.
» bauhaus on 2006-06-27 03:51:38

rabid...
i don't think i said that... but it was terrified of water. no foaming mouth though. anything's possible.
» Chloefoxx on 2006-06-29 12:24:37

hahah.
thanks dave. (= i guess i can always turn to you for some motivation.. and yes it is nada surf.
» Cher_lyn on 2006-06-29 02:17:42

You look eerily like my Intro Microprocessors teacher....
» ikimashokie on 2006-06-29 10:01:19

Hahaha, I'm sure I haven't forgotten all of the hazards.
Yeah, superman came out the 28th.
» ikimashokie on 2006-06-29 10:52:50

i keep typing in the correct word verification...yet the baboons do not approve of my robotic tendencies. How come? This happened about 5 times. The last time I tried, I checked the letters and numbers. There are four characters..right?
» Ajibalaji89 on 2006-06-30 06:14:22

I don't live in Peru. lol. =D I live in Ca, Sf. I put in fake locations sometimes because sf is sometimes so boring. Yeah, people don't really think for themselves here..
» bauhaus on 2006-07-01 06:52:54

eeyeah
it happens everyday! damn!
» iammagic_biotch on 2006-07-03 10:05:32

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