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dave
Age. 41
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
The Migration of Data (Part 1)
281th day of 2006
The past 24 hours have been brutal, to say the least.

As the final phase of our xPPGY server upgrade, we had to migrate all the data from the database to the southernmost tip of the Island of Ishbu, Huihuizone, where the soil was more fertile and soft to the furry feet. Everyone knew this was a most treacherous and formidable journey, one that required not only endurance of the utmost superhuman and superbaboonian strength, but also wit as sharp and caustic as the sarcastic verbal fibers of Sir Wilten Darmah.

The length of the path was 49,873 billion miles. The baboons had to transport all the data there at lightning quick speed. All the data meaning, yes, all 298,298,298,298.298 bushels of waxed lemons. (According to a recent publication from Papagoya's research lab, waxed lemons are one of the most efficient ways to store and manage data, because of the organic memory fibers prevalent in the sour molecules of lemons and the relatively inexpensive maintenance required to wax the epidermal, telemecules tenenbaumic layer on the outside skin of the lemon.)

Anyway, the trek began on the 280th day of 2006. The first baboon battalion left when the moon was still shining it's cucumber-laden shoes. They bid Mr. Mushroom goodbye and paid their respects to the Shrine of the Silver Monkeys. These were some of our finest baboons, great warriors of speed and meticulosity. They were expected to reach Huihuizone in 29.8 seconds and be back by the drop of a goose feather from the sacred lemon tree.

Two hours passed. The baboons did not return. Papagoya was getting worried and started to create origami muskrats to sacrifice to the Oracle of Boracle of Borealis. Then it happened. The Oracle of Boracle of Borealis exploded like a giant stone popcorn. This was a terrible sign! A MOST TERREBLIS SIGNALIS!!!

Immediately, Papagoya called the Knights of the Hexagon Table: A7, Dwighter the Fighter, Squareface, ~~~~~~~>>>o, Fernando Sucre, The Palisadian, CoyBoy, Belle le Poissone, and myself. Unfortunately, of the KotHT, I was the only one not dead or sleeping. I quickly took my private business jet straight to the Island of Ishbu.

The flight was only 5 seconds. It was fast. Too fast. In fact, due to the incredibly high and unbearable velocity, my lungs imploded causing my rib cage to rupture and consequently crush my spleen and faligma nagilis. As you can imagine, the pain was incredibly bad. But, anyway, I digress....

As soon as I got to the island, I attended a meeting with Papagoya and the almight baboons of the strategic counsel to discuss the current conundrums. We decided to just take all the lemons and move as one cohesive unit to the Huihuizone.

Yea, yea, I know what you must all be thinking... and I'll admit it...
Yes, this was dangerous.
Yes, we could've all died and lost NuTang and xPPGY forever within the infinitely large Island of Ishbu.
Yes, I did get a new cell phone last weekend. I like it a lot. It's the Samsung t519.
Yes, I do not know how to use my phone, unfortunately.

But, despite all those yesses (sp?), the migration of data must go on.

Then it happened.

The migration of data began.

The beginning of this courageous journey was swift and easy. We were moving faster than the winds of Narnia and the sands of time combined. Then it happened.

We found the first baboon battalion. They had been completely massacred. It was brutal. The grass was painted red with baboon blood and baboon brains. I saw Yenakilagoya's legs hanging off a tall Oak tree, but where was the rest of his body? Amesaogoya was skinned alive and then his bones pulled out from beneath his muscles. Oh man, it was bad. It was soo bad. I couldn't bear it and began to throw up immediately. The worst part was the smell of warm blood still thick in the air.

After 24 seconds, we found and buried all the baboons from the first battalion but one. The body of Goyahoya was not with the others. We only found his legs. We sent out several search teams to find him. Finally, several nanoseconds later, his body was found.

He had crawled 3,098 miles from the slaughter site with his bare hands. When we found him, he looked barely recognizable. However, next to his body, written in blood, were the words "Fellow baboons beware, the--

Oh man, I can't bear to go on. Please forgive me. I need to rest and recover my emotions. I will publish another entry shortly to report the rest of how the migration of data went. Should you have any questions or concerns, please leave them as comments and I will try to address these issues in my comments, as well.

Plugs: Papagoya, Yenamaboya, Yeti

All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
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JMC
9 Comments.


Hmmm..
Perhaps you could have strapped the bits of data to the backs of birds as it is their natural inclination to migrate. Just don't strap them on the back of African Swallows as they are non-migratory. Or was it European Swallows. Whatever, just don't use swallows! Canadian Geese!
» etheracide on 2006-10-08 02:21:53

celibate! i mean celebrate!
time to throw confetti and party.
the baboons and the nutangers went through the journey and made it alive.
kudos to the baboons for their sacrifices.
amen.
» laziewong on 2006-10-08 12:06:30

But Dave!
this means that your good omen was a fake! who could have done such a thing? and i hope your ribs heal
» middaymoon on 2006-10-08 12:57:10

In Honor of All NuTang Baboons
To everyone involved, All the NuTang Baboons who quietly, without complaining; carried our NuTang yobibytes to Huihuizone; you are liken dobbins (quiet plodding workhorses), are forever, my Heroes. Thank You All!
» JMC on 2006-10-09 06:51:02

Massacre!
Who could have done such a terrible deed! Never fear, the Righteous Dot is here! I will avenge their deaths!

I will--no, I shall not horrify you with the bloody details. Only know I will be covered in the red liquid and grinning when it is done. Sweet revenge.
» Silver-dot- on 2006-10-10 09:28:45

From My Mom
Thank you for the introduction to NuTang. I read the excerpt completely! You can tell his muse was with him because the words just flowed and seemed to have a life of their own. Their eulogy was nice.

Will he perhaps tell us who was responsible for the carnage? Do you already know or suspect? The comments were great. :) Are the poor furry heroes expendable or will there be retaliation? It sounds like it was an ambush and they were defenseless.
» JMC on 2006-10-11 12:13:57

ooh
How many lives muist be sacrificed for the cause of information migration, how many lives. Alas. Alas. Alas. Alas. Alas. Alas. Alas.

Alas.





Alas.
» Crispin on 2006-10-12 11:45:49

How awful! The poor baboons.
Um, I hope your spleen is okay!
» okidpokie on 2006-10-14 12:26:37

Test, just a test
http://www.souliers-rouges.net/ aekqufjno Casque beats vmrbzeffx http://www.souliers-rouges.net/ - monster beats
» rso|carpinteyrojmbae|carpinteyrool (91.237.249.71) on 2012-06-29 06:31:02

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