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dave
Age. 34
Gender. Male
Ethnicity. Chinese
Location Valley Village, CA
School. Cornell Univ
» More info.
Of Ninjas, Scientific Research, and Mammalian Vegetation
8th day of 2008
Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read this most important post. As you may have already deduced from the well encrypted blog title, this post is about ninjas, scientific research, and mammalian vegetation. So, first, why these three topics? As Professor McBurgerKing from Harvard Medical School said in a recent interview published by the NY Giants, "With the impending US presidential elections, we will see three hot political topics will emerge again and again." Logicians have implied that those three topics are none other than ninjas, scientific research, and mammalian vegetation.

Chapter 1. Of Ninjas
With the recent birth of the Catholic Church, the empire of the ninjas has suffered a dramatic downturn. Millions of ninjas have defected to the Church, abandoning their wanton ways of chivalry. In fact, for the past couple centuries, ninjas remained out of the limelight. However, just this morning, my personal friend Siyeng Lang, president of the small Southeastern Asian nation Medicia, sent me this footage (shown below) taped in the streets of his country.



The above scene, taped from well choreographed traffic cameras equipped with music, represents a startling event that any serious presidential candidate should be aware of.

Message to Presidential Candidates – Ninjas are back, and back with a vengeance!! If you aren't already aware, then clearly you haven't read the NY Times Bestseller, Diary of a Ninja, which clearly foretells 2008 as the maturity year for the Prophecy of the Retarded Ninjas!! I hope the above video is a wake up call!!!

Chapter 2. Of Scientific Research
It all began one cold night during my graduate school years. I was working my ass off in the lab, pouring random, flourescent chemicals into unlabeled flasks, when a janitor dressed in an extravagent costume made out of real bear skin jumped out of the sink and knocked me out with his clenched fists. When I woke up, several years later, I was cold, hungry, and completely naked. But, I wasn't scared.

Anyway, to make a short story less long, I have since been working on some top secret, scientic research for government agencies. Tonight, we finally made a startling break-through and I decided to take the liberty to reveal it to the public via my NuTang blog. Tonight, we discovered the Fanbase Browser (FB). FB is a highly powerful machine that allows you to browse the userbase of AllRespect.com based on who the members set as their favourite bands. For instance, ever wonder who are the people who like Foo Fighters, Guns N' Roses, and My Chemical Romance? WONDER NO MORE AFTER YOU CLICK THIS LINK. Note how you can view and filter by demographics.

Message to Presidential Candidates – Let me be the one to say it first. The candidate that can fully utilize and harness the raw and true power of the Fanbase Browser will control more power than any amount of campaign money can ever buy!!!

Chapter 3. Of Mammalian Vegetation
This peanut looks like... okay, this is probably too obvious, so forgive me if the rest of this run-on sentence is self-evident... A DUCK!



Message to Presidential Candidates Find the nut above and eat it under the the sacred lemon tree of the Island of Ishbu (under a full moon). Do that and the election is yours.
All content copyright by dave. Please do not reproduce, recycle, or regurgitate without the express written consent of the CTU.
Rate this entry!
8 Comments.


There are three things that a presidential candidate should consider:
1.) Where any ninjas harmed in the making of above video?
2.) Where can I purhcase a car similar to the one driven by the ninja-escaper?
3.) Why doesn't my rubber duckie have a vegetable doppleganger?
» The-Muffin-Man on 2008-01-08 01:53:37

... I .. I don't even know what to say
» Dilated on 2008-01-08 01:12:42

:0

Ducky peanut!
» randomjunk on 2008-01-08 05:02:14

............

*speechless*....


wow.......
» CPKviperpheonix on 2008-01-09 08:03:14

yay for the new FB! =D
this shall surely come in handy indeed.
» invisible on 2008-01-11 12:43:32

=] what's up?
» toxiphobia on 2008-01-11 07:47:57

ahahha so funny!!
» lykfe on 2008-02-24 07:25:22

Yes, a quite good variant
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» Brice (200.183.205.221) on 2010-09-05 08:36:47

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